Theme: 6. the space between dream and reality
Note: Same timeline as "The Notebook" and "In sickness"
Kayashima could remember warmth. He could remember drawing closer to the warmth. He also remembered seeing warm colors at the back of his eyes. He didn’t understand how the aura could slip through his closed lids the way it did, but he wasn’t about to complain.
He had been in so much pain earlier, wanting so much to just fall asleep but wrenched back to reality every time he thought he was about to drift into the darkness.
He remembered opening his eyes once and seeing Nakatsu wrapped around him like a protective blanket. Nakatsu was asleep, mouth slightly open though his grip on Kayashima was tight. Kayashima thought that it was so strange that his dream could feel so real.
Instead of thinking it over, he instead pressed closer. Nakatsu shifted, eyes fluttering open. But Kayashima’s eyes were closed by this time, so he missed the way Nakatsu’s eyes shone with concern. However, he didn’t miss the way Nakatsu’s arm tightened around him—though in Kayashima’s mind, this was all a dream.
He dreamt that they were graduating. Nakatsu had given Ashiya one of the buttons on his uniform. And Ashiya, dressed in a girl school uniform, accepted it gratefully. The two of them shared a laugh. Kayashima stood watching them for a while, but not once did either of them acknowledge his presence. And the knife piercing his heart was hard to ignore.
He woke up into what he thought was another dream. But this dream was better than the other one. Nakatsu was holding a wet cloth to his head, eyes wide with alarm.
“Kayashima?” He asked carefully. Kayashima wondered why Nakatsu was reacting the way he did. It was then that noticed that his own cheeks were wet. His eyes could barely focus on Nakatsu and his limbs felt heavy. Yet he still reached out his hand to try and touch Nakatsu.
His roommate caught his hand and squeezed it reassuringly.
Feeling safe in this dream world, Kayashima didn’t think twice before letting his well-guarded secret slip.
Before falling into yet another dream, he saw Nakatsu’s shocked face and thought that this dream Nakatsu reacted too much like the real Nakatsu for comfort.